Is this Britain’s least funny man?

The evidence: The Daily Mail like him. Things approved by the Daily Mail, beginning with setting down rules about what ages women can wear mini-skirts, to repatriation of immigrants, are generally a bit rubbish, and Michael “at last, a comic who’s funny” McIntyre is no different. The Mail likes him because he is safe, and [...]

Men render selves redundant in spectacular scientific own goal

Scientists at Newcastle University have created, for the first time, synthetic sperm from stem cells, in so doing achieving what buffoons have wanted for many years: to render men theoretically redundant. In light of this scientific breakthrough, a slew of reactionary articles celebrating the “end” of mankind have been wasting my time on the internet. [...]

Come on lads, say what you mean….

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about cunts, and when I say that, I’m not talking about that awful woman with a voice like Mars Attacks who sits next to me at work, talking about her boyfriend all day. No, I’m talking about actual lady’s cunts. Yours and mine, and everyone’s we know. I’ve noticed [...]

I’m sorry to tell you you weren’t successful: adventures in jobseeking

Over a year ago, for reasons too complex and potentially libellous for me to mention here, I found myself in the situation of wanting to find a new job. Things had taken a turn for the macabre in the place where I gain the bulk of my income, and I decided that it might be [...]

Moulin Poo-ge

On long car journeys, it’s sometimes fun to play the kind of game where you and your friends hypothesise about fantasy scenarios. Who would be in your dream band, for example? Or if you were building your own house and money were no object, where would you build it and where would it be? Or [...]

In A Thin Glass….

Guess who’s been throwing a hissy fit about the new 50% tax band for those who earn an inherently unspendable £150k a year and above? Michael Caine, that’s who. So if you’ve ever thought Mr. Caine was the epitome of cool, think again. Because it actually turns out that Michael Caine thinks the 3 million [...]

Best thing about the press release accompanying the new Gallows album.

It describes their last album as a “flaming shit parcel hurled through an open window of the music scene”. All the same, the new album that accompanies said press release is actually quite enjoyable. That is all.

Horne and Corden are evil, and must be stopped

I love Gavin & Stacey, but having watched Horne & Corden last night – a show so embarrassingly unfunny it makes 2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps look like Seinfeld – I’m drawing the conclusion that all of the funny in Gavin and Stacey must have been brought in by the others. [...]

Ronan Keating is evil, and must be stopped

It is bad enough that “evil” Ronan Keating has been aurally violating me for years with a string of hammy, asinine, wimpy, limp boy-pop. Boyzone’s entire output seemed to feature mainly dreadful cover versions of Andrew Lloyd Webber songs. For years, I couldn’t turn on a television without having to look at their stupid, inoffensive [...]

Bad Temper Day Rules

Sainsbury’s Car Park Here is a list of rules that I made up earlier on when I was testy in Sainsbury’s Car Park. 

 1. People who cannot pack their shopping fast enough to get out of the queue should not be allowed to go to the supermarket. They must do their shopping on the [...]